Give a Kiss

REJOICE, THOU THROUGH WHOM THE HOLY ANTIBIOTICS SHALL PASS! I’ve been sick for the most part of last week and, boring, boring, you don’t care anyways, boring, boring, DOCTOR SAID I SHOULD TAKE ANTIBIOTICS. HOORAY!

You see, antibiotics are my thing. They may be bad for everyone else, but me – I breathe antibiotics, I sweat antibiotics, I… Well, when I take antibiotics, I am full of life and energy, with antibiotics I snap right back in shape faster than you can say “recover”.

[Kids, don’t take me seriously, antibiotics are bad for everybody and they fuck up your health.]

And thanks to the antibiotics fix, my mood is much better now [Not because antibiotics affect mood, you idiot, because I am so relieved I will definitely get better now]. I was quite a bit of a nervous wreck these days. I’m not proud of the ways I’ve been talking to people. And I kept assuming they all: a) hated me, b) didn’t care about me in an intentionally cruel way, c) hated me.

This, until I read this gossip blog about how Keira Knightley managed to keep it together through the ten years of fame (which is a huge psychological burden, trust me on that as I’m a psychology professional). And I was like, WOW, Keira Knightley could keep it together FOR A DECADE and I can’t pull myself together NOW???!! YOU CAN DO THIS, GIRL. You can do this.

I mean – with antibiotics? [Starts singing in Ariana Grande voice:] I CAN DO ANYTHING: RESURRECT GANDHI, RESURRECT KING. You don’t have to be a billionare, you don’t have to have much too show how much care. Like, give a wink, Give a kiss. Like, give a little happiness!..

P.S. Wow, this blog sounds angry if you read it with the wrong intonation. Read it in a friendly, stand-up-comedian intonation, please. [I feel like I should include this disclaimer in my blog tagline. Totally. Will do. Later.]