Please Remember

[God, I hope by now you people figured this is all supposed to be read like a stand-up comedy joke, right? RIGHT?]

You know how there is this service followupthen that sends you reminders about stuff? You set it up and it will send you an email when you want it. Just received an email from them. Subject says “Please remember”. Body reads “Something”.

Wow, dude. Just wow. What a genius am I, right? To send myself a reminder like that? I am basically A JAMES BOND! It’s practically taken care of, past Mary! Yo! Now the present Mary only has to do as much as FIGURE OUT WHAT ON EARTH I WAS ON ABOUT.

No, seriously, what is THAT about? I got a clue though – I sent this reminder in on September 16th, 2011. One year ago. Oh, wait. Just got another one. Says “Please remember to remember”. Oh, that works. Yup. Good one. If not for that second one, I wouldn’t know what to do! You go, girl, consider it remembered!

Yeah, I know: SMART is not my thing. Which reminds me – once I was trying so hard to join a conversation with the hot guy I assumed his friends did not get the joke involving the word. So I was like “But no, I think she didn’t mean you were *smart*, she meant you *looked* smart”. And they were like: “GIRL, WE KNOW”. No wonder no one asks me out.


Meet the Creepo

I’ve been watching some really low-rate television all day and feel ashamed about it now (though I didn’t while I was watching it). But, you know, I hardly feel ashamed of watching porn, why would I be ashamed of watching some TV programming?

[Judgemental voice:] The show was FOR TEENAGERS. [Pleading:] But, come on, they have a storyline for parents too! [Judgemental voice back on again:] Which is only there TO MORALIZE AND PREACH TO TEENAGERS. [Awkward silence]

You know what else is awkward? The two friend requests I’ve sent to people on Facebook whom I met at job interviews. My messages to them where something along the lines of: “Hi, I’m that creepy person you didn’t hire a whi-i-i-ile ago, but I liked you so much during our short encounter that I stalked you all this time, until I discovered this Facebook account of yours where you don’t even use your real name or real photograph, and decided to refresh our relationship”.

I swear, the text was literally like that. I wonder if they’ll call the police on me. Which, now that I think about it, these poor girls sure should do. God, I am getting creepier by day.