So I’ve been watching way more Suburgatory episodes than I should, and in this one they mentioned The Online Virginity Calculator. I know I am waaay past the age where people should be interested in silly stuff like such a calculator would be, but, hey, I watch Victorious too, so there’s probably no saving for me now.
I googled the thing. It had lots of moralism about safe sex and asked me my age, my country, my ethnicity, age when I lost virginity. I hesitated for some time before I decided to actually give the information they required. I pressed “Send”, and the page that loaded afterwards stated my age, the average age people of my type lose their virginity at, and some moralism on safe sex and procreation.
I was kind of disappointed, but then again – WHAT DID I THINK THEY WERE ABOUT TO TELL ME THAT I DIDN’T KNOW BEFORE? But the difference between now and just ten minutes ago is NOW the Internet has the fucking information I did not want it to have!
And the moralism is KILLING me. It’s like they think I am so dumb, I haven’t heard about safe sex and… Oh, wait. I was the one who used The Online Virginity Calculator, who can blame them for thinking I was a dumb teenager. I think these stupid American TV shows are making me stupid. AND no one gets my humour.
P.S. Kids, TV makes you dumb.
P.P.S. Just like Lorelei Gilmore, I feel like I have to explain every joke I make, so – “Hey, Stoopid” refers to the Alice Cooper song of the same name and disregard this post unless you read it to yourself in a voice of any major sitcom actor OR Natalie Tran.
P.P.P.S. Google Lorelei Gilmore. She’s classic.