REJOICE, THOU THROUGH WHOM THE HOLY ANTIBIOTICS SHALL PASS! I’ve been sick for the most part of last week and, boring, boring, you don’t care anyways, boring, boring, DOCTOR SAID I SHOULD TAKE ANTIBIOTICS. HOORAY!
You see, antibiotics are my thing. They may be bad for everyone else, but me – I breathe antibiotics, I sweat antibiotics, I… Well, when I take antibiotics, I am full of life and energy, with antibiotics I snap right back in shape faster than you can say “recover”.
[Kids, don’t take me seriously, antibiotics are bad for everybody and they fuck up your health.]
And thanks to the antibiotics fix, my mood is much better now [Not because antibiotics affect mood, you idiot, because I am so relieved I will definitely get better now]. I was quite a bit of a nervous wreck these days. I’m not proud of the ways I’ve been talking to people. And I kept assuming they all: a) hated me, b) didn’t care about me in an intentionally cruel way, c) hated me.
This, until I read this gossip blog about how Keira Knightley managed to keep it together through the ten years of fame (which is a huge psychological burden, trust me on that as I’m a psychology professional). And I was like, WOW, Keira Knightley could keep it together FOR A DECADE and I can’t pull myself together NOW???!! YOU CAN DO THIS, GIRL. You can do this.
I mean – with antibiotics? [Starts singing in Ariana Grande voice:] I CAN DO ANYTHING: RESURRECT GANDHI, RESURRECT KING. You don’t have to be a billionare, you don’t have to have much too show how much care. Like, give a wink, Give a kiss. Like, give a little happiness!..
P.S. Wow, this blog sounds angry if you read it with the wrong intonation. Read it in a friendly, stand-up-comedian intonation, please. [I feel like I should include this disclaimer in my blog tagline. Totally. Will do. Later.]